


This wasn't how I wanted things to end

by victoriamolnar



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Claustrophobia, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26776240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriamolnar/pseuds/victoriamolnar
Summary: The lines on the wall said it is day 103.  Kuvira does not even feel the days passing by. The only reason she knows this, is because one of the guards is always marking the wall next to the door, just to make fun of her. All she can do all the time is staring at that damn door. In the first weeks there were thousands of hearings where she needed to be, but now there are not any more.  The court still has not made their mind about what should be her punishment.Kuvira's only hope is Korra who is visiting her once in a while and telling her everything about the outside world. Kuvira still could not believe that Korra in a way forgave her. Forgave her for everything she has done in the past. She is the first person in her life who ever forgave her, not even her parents could do this for her. In her life finally she feels like she has found someone special, maybe a friend, she do not know if she is ready to call Korra her friend.| English is not my native language, so I'm apologizing in advance for my mistakes |
Kudos: 5





	This wasn't how I wanted things to end

*** One month earlier ***

I'm already used to the pain in my hands. My wrists are full with wounds, because I'm always trying to move my hands to find a slightly better position for them. My whole body is aching. My muscles are sore. I haven't even slept well since I'm in this prison. I haven't seen natural lights in months. The only light in here is four lanterns. Nothing more. 

One of guards is always marking the wall with a platinum knife next to the door, just to remind me how the days are passing by. They are making fun of me. It hasn't bothered me before, but now it does and I can't do nothing about it. I have to see their stupid faces every single day. I'm daydreaming about craving out their eyes. 

_Kuvira, Stop!_

My old self would definitely punish them after I'm finally free from this place, but 

_I've changed. Seriously._

I don't even know who I am. Here all I got is time, so I had a lot of it to think through everything I've done. I accepted my fate a long time ago. I should have been dead by now, but the Avatar saved my life. I don't know why she did it, but the only thing I know is that the fact that I'm here was never meant to be. The spirit beam should have ended my life. I'm not deserving to be alive. If even I could accept this fact I really don't know why Korra saved me. I built that monstrous thing, it should have taken away my life. I really deserved it. 

This vision still haunts me in my dreams.

**_* Kuvira's dream: throwback in time to Republic City *_ **

_I stupidly pulled the trigger. I saw the energy flow through Korra's direction, but at the last minute she managed to get out of its way, barely. I heard her screaming at me "Shut it down!" I tried to pull back the trigger, but nothing happened "I can't!" And the next moment I was flying through the air and then crashed into the ground. The next thing I saw was the purple light coming towards me. At that moment I knew there was no stepping back from this. I created this mess and I needed to pay for it. I was waiting to feel the pain, but I felt nothing and then I saw Korra stepping before me and bending away the spirit beam._

**_* Kuvira's dream ended *_ **

I'm waking up screaming and crying from these nightmares. Usually after this one of the guards starts banging the door just to let me know to shut the fuck up! 

But this time I screamed back at him. "Then come here and make me!" 

_I'm so full with everybody telling me what to do and not to do! Man! I'm in prison, I can't do NOTHING!_

I heard the door open and a guard was walking toward my direction. "You want me to make you shut up? Fine." I hadn't had anytime to remonstrance, because the next moment he covered my mouth with a piece of fabric. He grabbed my hair and pulled back my head to face him. His eyes were full of rage. He didn't even needed to say it out loud, I already knew I took away something important from him. " The next time you aren't going to listen to my command, you are going to face your death sentence in court. Was it clear?" I felt a teardrop running down on my cheek, I hope he didn't see that. I nodded at him. 

I was trying to meditate, but I just couldn't. I'm unable to clear out my mind. I thought if I meditate it's going to help me sleep better, but it isn't helping at all. I haven't got any food in two days. I guess they're still punishing me for not shutting up, the piece of fabric is still around my mouth. I never felt so useless in my life. 

_Oh wait. That's a lie!_

I was always useless. I admit I was a difficult child, but that wasn't my fault. My parents were never caring people, at least towards me. The outside world saw a really nice couple, they looked lovely together with an undisciplined child. Everyone felt sorry for them, because they needed to raise a child who was incomprehensible. It was all their fault. They didn't give me any attention or love. They always told me what I'm allowed to do and what I'm not if I wanted stay out of trouble. In the earliest years of my life I was obedient, but unfortunately I learned that even if I was behaving I didn't get any love from them. I just allowed them to not to look out for me, not even for a minute. That moment was when it hit me that if I want their attention I need to completely change my behavior. This was the time when I started acting out, I guess I was like six years old at that time. 

I started to do those things that weren't allowed me to do. Like using my bending. My parents were non-benders, they don't understand why I wanted to use it. They didn't feel the urge to do something, like I did. It was so hard for me to just sit in my room and play with my dolls, when I knew a lot of my friends were using their powers, but I wasn't allowed to do the same. Once I broke a stupid vase and my parents confiscated my toys and locked me in my room. 

_It was just a stupid vase!_

I felt so much anger in my small, fragile body. I felt the urge to do something, to get out of this tiny room. I saw the walls coming to move closer to me, I couldn't breath. There was no air left in the room. I knew I needed to get out as much quickly as I could, because if I couldn't get out in time the walls would have crushed me. I know the only way to get out was using my bending. I never had a master to show me how to use my power properly so I only could hope that I'm doing it right. I lifted my hands and I started to concentrate on the wall, then I moved my hands and there was a hole in my wall. A hole big enough for me to go through and then I was standing in the living room. 

My parents were shocked. I didn't hesitate, not even for a second. I run toward the door and then to the streets. I just run and run. I don't even know where I was, but unfortunately my father found me and took me back to that _home,_ but that wasn't my home anymore. It stopped it be in the minute they locked me in my room. 

I heard soft steps walking toward me and I opened my eyes. 

I couldn't believe who was standing before me. Why would she be here? What is she wants from me? 

"Oh, Kuvira what have they done to you?" Korra asked. She stepped behind me and untied the fabric and it slowly fell down before me. "I wasn't shutting up my god damn mouth." 

"I'm sorry for saying this, but you look terrible. What was the last time you ate something?"

"Tell me something I don't know Korra. If my calculations aren't wrong then two days ago." I still don't get it why is she her.

"Just give me a sec, don't go anywhere." 

"Like I could." I raised my arms and the chains started to rumble. And I thought she was clever.

A few moments later she came back with a tray in her hands. She put it down before me and walked back a few steps and then sat on the ground. She looked like she was waiting for something. 

"Oh right, thanks." I said. I started to eat grapes with cheese. My stomach was craving for food in the last two days, it felt amazing finally be able to eat. I don't even know how much time passed by without talking. 

"So. Ahem." I cleared my throat. It sounded so rusty. "Are you going to tell me why are you here."

"Oh, right, of course, but I thought you know why I'm here."

"No I don't know." 

"Well, I'm here because you asked me to come here, the other day."

"I did not! How could I possibly do that? I chained to the ground!" I screamed at her. Maybe not I'm the only one who starts to go crazy. Maybe the spirit beam did something to her, just like it poisoned my dreams. A guard opened the door and asked if everything is alright in here, Korra shouted back a yes. 

"Two days ago I was walking in Republic City when I felt the urge to touch a spirit vine. It showed me a vision about you, crying and screaming. A few seconds later you started chanting four words over and over again; Korra please help me! I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner. So what can I do for you!"

_I did what?_

Why I asked for help from the last person I wanted to see in my life? It must have happened when I had that nightmare. Is it that bad? I'm really losing my mind? What is happening with me? Is she even here or I'm still dreaming. 

"Hit me. I need to know that I'm not sleeping."

"I won't hit you."

"Please do it, Korra." I sounded so miserable.

"No."

"Korra, please I don't even know what is real and what is only in my head." 

"Then let me show you the truth." She said and gently put her hand on my temple. It felt like she was going to burn my skin, but the heat stayed stable. "Close your eyes." I did what she said. 

"You can open it now." 

I did and I was speechless. We were standing in the spirit world. I looked down to my hands and there were no chains. I could freely move my arms. I felt so much peace in me. I could just fall asleep in the soft grass. 

"Why are we here?" I asked. 

"You needed a place where you can rest. And you can't sleep well in the prison, so we are here. Now sleep. I'm going to be here when you're wake up."

"But Korra -"

"There is no but, Kuvira. Just sleep." I don't know why, but I couldn't argue with her. I lay down on my back an I started watching how the clouds are coming and going in the sky. 

***

"You are still here." I said while I sat up. 

"I promised you I'm going to be here. How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I never felt so much peace in my soul, so I guess thank you." She slightly smiled at me.

"Unfortunately we don't have too much time, so I'm going to tell you everything I can." I just nodded and she continued. "I know you can't rest in the prison, so that is why we are here. You can rest here as much as you want, but there's just one problem with it, I can't be here with you every single time you want to go to the spirit world. There is something in your mind that is blocking you, I can feel it and that is why couldn't come here sooner. If you find that thing and accept it, this place will be yours, but be careful because the guards can't know that you're able to do this." 

"Why are you helping me? Again?" I need to know why is she doing this. 

"Because I understand why you did the things you've done. But I thought we are already talked this through."

"Yes, we did, but I still can't understand why." 

"That's why friends are for. You just leave them to accept you for who you really are. Well kind of friends, anyway. We need to leave." I closed my eyes and then a moment we were back in the prison. 

"You know everything I needed to tell you. And never think about getting out from here." Korra said while she walked away, but she turned back and winked at me. 

"Thank you . . . for nothing." I said angrily.

I finished my dinner and then I was trying to meditate myself into the spirit world, but I couldn't. I remembered what Korra said, but I don't know what is blocking my mind from doing this. She said I need to accept something, but I don't know what is it. 

I don't understand why is she helping me without asking something for in return. 

Well, after everything I've done maybe I do have a friend.


End file.
